💤 Insomnia: That Unwanted Party Your Brain Throws at 2 AM 🎉

What Is Insomnia?

Insomnia is the cruel joke your brain plays when your body is begging for rest, but your mind says, “Not so fast!”

Medically speaking, insomnia is a sleep disorder where you struggle to fall asleep, stay asleep, or wake up too early without the option of going back into dreamland.

There’s no magic number of hours of sleep that means you have insomnia, everyone’s sleep needs are different. But its more about how it effects you and your ability to function

Why Can’t I Sleep? Common Culprits of the Midnight Mind Marathon

Let’s call out the usual suspects:

• Stress: Whether it’s work deadlines or your dog chewing on the furniture
• Anxiety: “Honey theirs a spider in the kitchen”
• Caffeine: Staying up all night just because you had a moment of weakness and decided to have that warm but unforgiving brown liquid
• Screens: Your phone emits blue light and bad decisions.
• Poor Sleep Habits: Like watching horror movies in bed and wondering why you’re afraid of your own shadow at 2 AM.
• Health Conditions: Chronic pain, depression, anxiety and other medical conditions keeping you up at night.

Tried-and-Tested Tricks

🛁 1. The Pre-Sleep Ritual

Start winding down with a bedtime routine that signals to your brain: “Hey buddy, time to power down.”

• Warm bath? Yes.
• Light stretching? Yes
• Reading something dry? Oh yes please

Its all about creating those habits that your brain associates with sleep

🌿 2. Natural Aids (The Legal Kind)

• Chamomile tea: AKA liquid “Grandma’s hug.”
• Magnesium supplements: Chill for your muscles and your mind. My mother always used to bring out those magnesium supplements whenever she wanted some peace and quiet.
• Melatonin: Although I tend to find this to be more useful in those with altered circadian rhythms like those with ADHD or autism.

📱 3. The Great Tech Disconnect

Avoid screens for at least an hour before bed. Blue light messes with melatonin production, and no, scrolling through TikTok doesn’t count as meditation. Dim the lights, power down the gadgets, and don’t look at the clock. Time-checking only leads to existential spirals.

I remember the night before an important exam I was desperately trying to fall asleep, but instead, I became obsessed with watching the clock like it was some kind of suspense thriller.

“Okay, if I fall asleep right now, I’ll get six hours.”
“Okay… now five and a half.”
“Four… oh no.”

Eventually, I did fall asleep — a whole hour before my alarm went off. I basically took a power nap and then launched straight into existential despair. Honestly, I think 90% of the problem was the stress of clock-watching itself. If anxiety were an Olympic sport, I’d have medaled that night. And I certainly did ace my insomnia test, but in return flunked the actual exam. So don’t do what I did.

🛏️ 4. Sleep Environment: Make It a Zen Den

• Cool, quiet, dark — your bedroom should feel like a sleepy bat cave.
• Only use your bed for sleep and intimacy. That means no work, no TikTok rabbit holes, no “just one more video.”

🧠 5. The Podcast Pillow Trick (A Personal Favourite)

Forget counting sheep. I discovered the ultimate insomnia cure: lying down with a podcast. Specifically, one where someone with a monotone voice explains the history of turnips or reads out receipts.

I kid you not — if I really want to get to sleep, give me some earphones and a podcast and boom I’m out like a light.

⏰ 6. Regular Sleep Schedule (Yes, Even on Weekends. Sorry.)

• Go to bed only when you feel sleepy.
• Get up at the same time every day — even if you slept terribly.
• Increase your morning light exposure. Let the sun punch your circadian rhythm in the face.
• Avoid naps unless you’re a toddler or just been forced on a flight to Dagestan to have a 1 on 1 with Khabib.

☕ 7. Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol — The Sleep Wrecking Trio

• No caffeine at least 6 hours before bed time.
• Avoid nicotine and alcohol at least 2 hours before bed.
• Big meals before bed? Bad idea…unless you want your stomach to be that noisy neighbour keeping your brain wide awake.

🏋️ 8. Exercise (Just Not Right Before Bed)

• Exercise during the day is great for sleep.
• But avoid hardcore workouts within an hour before bedtime?
• Aim to get your body moving earlier in the day — your sleep will thank you, and your dog probably will too.

What the Internet Says: Wisdom from the Sleepless Scroll-Fest

Here’s what people swear by:

• Boring podcasts — it’s not just me saying this, it’s the people on the world wide web as well.
• White noise or rain sounds — it’s like my brain needs a soundtrack to shut up.
• ASMR whisperers — weirdly effective, if not a little unsettling.
• Weighted blankets — Apparently these things are amazing.

🩺 When to Call in the Pros

If you’ve tried all the sleepy hacks and still find yourself rehearsing conversations with your ceiling every night, it might be time to bring in the professionals. Chronic insomnia (>3 months) — especially when it affects your ability to function during the day deserves proper attention and care.

In some cases, medication can be helpful to break the cycle of sleeplessness. I may prescribe short-term sleep aids for particularly bothersome or disruptive sleep issues — but with a clear caveat: these are not long-term solutions.

While certain medications can help re-establish a regular sleep pattern, the body may develop a dependence, making it harder to sleep naturally in the long run. That’s why I only use them as a temporary bridge just enough to get you across the sleepless swamp and back into the clouds.

For most people, a combination of behavioural strategies, sleep hygiene improvements, and sometimes cognitive-behavioural therapy for insomnia (CBT-I) is safer and more sustainable than reaching for pills night after night.

Final Thoughts: Getting to sleep can be hard, But remember nothing worth having comes easy

If you’re struggling to get to sleep remember: fluff those pillows, dim the lights, banish your phone, press play on your favourite monotone narrator, and try again.

And remember: “The most important rule, the rule you can never forget, no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never feed him after midnight” (courtesy of Gremlins – 1984, worth a watch!)